"Or," Vicki started, "The second explanation would be that you areenjoying it. You feel you deserve it. You are getting a secret, perversethrill from her humiliations and cruelty. I think it makes you feel thateverything that is happening to you is beyond your control and thathelps you cope with guilt or other uncomfortable feelings aboutyour...unusual lifestyle choice." Ohhh," was all I was able to whisper in response. Dr. Mitchell had saidsomething similar to me several times in the past. But not this starkly.Not so directly."But my third theory is even worse, Vicki continued. "I think yourfeelings of powerlessness, which are reinforced each time Sarahhumiliates you, make you feel more feminine." Oh my God..." I replied softly."I'm here to tell you something, Jenny. Being humiliated has nothing todo with being a woman or feeling feminine. I hope you know that. Ifbeing powerless is your ideal of being a woman, than I can't be friendswith you any longer."I knew instantly which of. She had thick, black eyeliner on her lids, but soft pink lip gloss on her mouth and a small diamond nose ring. Her name was Karine. She sat on the edge of Tom's lounge chair and spoke to us in French until my highschool French didn't hold up any more and she figured out we were American. "You are brave to go topless," she said. "Most American women on these beaches don't." "Really?" I asked. "I'd think they'd welcome the chance - we don't have much of this back home." "No, they stare and giggle, but most women still won't do. Is sad. Bodies are beautiful and made for the beach and water," she replied. "I couldn't agree more," Tom said and gestured down my nearly naked body. I waved him away a little. He went back to peeking at her rather exposed breasts through the deep arm hole of her tank. "No, he is right. You are beautiful. I'm glad you are showing your body," she said, and then catching him gazing at her, said to Tom, "And, you look like a regular Frenchman," referring to his.
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